Sock Poppet at Play

To: Mr. Bram Stoker, Author

From: Sock Poppet, Displeased Reader

Did you really have to write a scene with a crazy person plucking a fat old fly from the air and eating it? Not what I was expecting. Blood sucking, yes. Eating flies? Not even on the radar.

And that wasn't bad enough. Nope. He also ate a sparrow. A live sparrow. Feathers and all.

If you would consider publishing a second edition, could you leave out the whole fly-eating scene? 'Cause it kind of made me sick. Really sick.